Almost October

Time is going by so fast. I can't believe it's almost October already. What a fun time. Fall is here, the leaves are turning, my daughter has a Birthday in October and then with the kids Halloween will be such great fun. I was pleased to learn yesterday at Church that we are having a Ward Halloween Party with treats, costume party and games. Sounds fun! If I attended all the Church meetings and functions I would have so much to do. I'm still waiting on my foot to heal from foot surgery at the beginning of September (it has become infected) and once it is healed I will have a procedure done on my back. Everything has been slowed down by the slow healing of my foot. Bum deal. I find myself slipping into a funk, not really depressed, but all the symtptoms are there. Sleeping too much, not eating very much, just don't feel like taking care of things. I hate it. I have to get up and do something to get myself out of it.

I thought I would be working part-time by now. I can't work very much, or I will lose my Disabiility Income from Social Security. But I can work part time...my Medicaid spend-down will go up, but the more I make ($400 vs $200) the less they take out compared to my earnings. It has been over 11 years now since I worked.

What I really want to do is go back to school. It's just a matter of deciding which program is the best fit. I want to learn Software Development and Enterprise development as well as Web Development. I can get a degree online, but have to decide which program can give me what I want, the cheapest and the fastest. Although right now I think Capella, whose program is at least 2 years, has the most to offer. But I'm still looking. Anyone out there reading this that knows anything, specifically information on the best school and where the best jobs are and what they are requiring...let me know.

Until then...goodnite, bloggers!

My Slide Show Debut

On Being a Grandmother

Photos of the kids

This is a cute shot of Blake with Brandon.

To learn more about the challenges these two little ones have gone through, please read their blog, http://brandonandkatelyn.blogspot.com/ and go back to July 15,, 2007 when the blog was started and then read the lastest posts. These two are the most amazing miracles in my life!

A super cute shot of the two youngest BYU fans in the family! Both Amy and Brent (my son-in-law) are BYU Alumni! and yes, Brandon often has this look of wonderment on his face, usually right before he grins real big.

Brandon, Katelyn's twin brother, is the happiest little blue-eyed "toe-head" you will ever see. He has gotten so many teeth, currently has 6 (I think...5, at least).

Here is a shot of Katelyn with one of her brother's costume hats (they love costumes and have a wide variety). She's a pistol!!

Blake and Derek are on a Provo City Soccer Team, and are quite the soccer players. Here's Blake driving that ball to the goal and Derek in the back ready to help out.

Katelyn Marie is walking with this walking toy. As soon as her feet grow, she'll be walking all over as fast as she can crawl now.

Blake and Derek, my 5 year old Grand Twins (cleary not identical!). Aren't they handsome!

New Picture of Me

This is just a photo I took of myself so you could see what I look like now. I've changed a bit since I arrived this summer. I think the biggest change has been finding a way to get away from using prescription pain killers for my chronic pain. Once I found a good doctor, I was able to go off of them for good, finally - after many years. I feel sooo much better, I look at myself, and I look LIKE myself again after a long time. To anyone who is stuck in the cycle of taking narcotic or opiate medications to control chronic pain, I highly recommend finding a pain clinic certified in the administration of Suboxone. It still helps pain, but is not like the narcotic/opiate medications that are typically prescribed when you go to a Pain Clinic or Physician who is a Pain Specialist. If you google it, you will find a lot of information on DRUG ADDICTION. I was not an addict, but my body had become DEPENDENT on the medication I was taking, and this is a way to get away and stay away from pain pills. I just know I am grateful to feel normal again. For anyone who knows about the brain (not that I know much), it blocks the synapse completely where the pain receptors are located, whereas pain pills block the pain receptors and over time you (I) need more and more to achieve the same level of relief. After so many years, all of my pain was rebound pain. My fibromyalgia pain is like a shadow in the background now and when I was taking medication FOR it, (or so I thought) it was debilitating many days. It makes me feel so sad when I think about all the time I lost when I could have been doing something useful, worthwhile, or even being more involved with my grandchildren, visting more often. I should be able to go to work once I get a couple of localized pain problems resolved, e.g., lower back pain that has been chronic for 11 years. I know a lot of the literature speaks to Suboxone and heroin/opiate addiction treatment. There needs to be more information about drug dependency, that occurs with anyone who takes these medications for any length of time.

Anyway, here is a picture of me drug free for a couple of months. Compare to photo when my hair was longer and I had puffy,swollen eyes. Simply amazing. But then, I thought when I moved to Utah, I would find answers and alternatives..

A day with the family

I spent today hanging out with my daughter, Amy and my four grandchildren. I had a very sweet hour this morning while she went to help Blakes (or was it Derek's?) Kindergarten teacher. I stayed at her [lovely!] home with the babies and rocked with one on each shoulder, singing to them. It was such a special time, just their Mammaw and Katelyn and Brandon. It is so rewarding that I can't find words for it. This afternoon I read stories to the older boys. All in all it was a delightful day. The kind I am grateful for, and so grateful to be living close. The boys play soccer again on Thursday, and I hope to go.

I guess I feel about them now like I did about the ocean before; I loved the ocean, and lived right at the beach for a year. During that time it was surreal, like I was living out a dream or a movie. Now I come home after a day like today and realize, I am here. I can see them whenever I want, I have a relationship with them and a bond that is forming that far outweighs any feelings I have for a particular landscape or scenery. This is the heart of life. And it is sweet.

Some photos

Amy had just gotten thhis new haircut right before I came to Utah from Kansas in June. She looks so much like a friend of mine in Kentucky...it's unccanny!!

Blake and me in front of the 4th of July Parade. So much fun. It's still a novelty to get to go to the boys activities and to see them so much.

All two sets of twins. From left; Brandon, Derek, Blake and Katelyn...Katelyn in protest. (she's crying, raring her back ...Brandon is always content. Well, almost always.

Blake and Derek with the back packs they picked out online while I was there. Its so interesting how they have their own very individual taste in colors, clothes, superheros....

Helping out

I went Thursday this week to help just for a little while in the evening after Amy had experienced a typical, but very stressful day. Sometimes "the babies" (Katelyn and Brandon; 14 mos.) will just scream in their car seats until she gets home. Sometimes they're hungry, sometimes they are just cranky. And of course she gets cranky. Lets not forget the twin 5 year old boys in their booster seats in the very back of the van.

I find that if I just go over and start doing what obviously needs to be done, it is helpful. Or while I'm doing that, she might say, "you know what would really help?" and then I'll do that instead. I enjoy working with Brandon on his gross motor skills. He can sit up for quite some time, but has to be put in that position. Although they are seeing changes, it's slow - well, depending on your vantage point. It's amazing what they can do with a baby in terms of rehab therapy.

Speaking of Brandon, a recent MRI showed that he did, as they suspected, have a stroke while in NICU. One of the many things he had was a line going to his heart and an air bubble was there - they knew that much - but the stroke had never been confirmed. He had a stroke before he reached his gestational age while stilll in the NICU. I am optimistic, though. I see his steady improvement in the 3 months I've been here.

I haven't helped her enough in the last weeks. I was sick; then the foot surgery, so it's not like I was avoiding her. :) It always leaves me feeling so good when I can lighten her load. So this self-proclaimed scatterbrain has purchased an organizing device! It's a great one too. It's not a white board, so you can save what's been written. There are 52 weekly pages, with post-its that fit in the space -300 post-it notes in 3 colors! It's the little things in life that get me excited. And it's a good thing. I am trying to live on disability and it gets harder every year.

I'm posting some recent photos as well. The boys started Kindergarden and are so proud of thier new backpacks. and are such sweet boys.

This is a great Quote, particularly with the rapidly approaching election...

Christians are supposed not merely to endure change, nor even to profit by it, but to cause it.Harry Emerson Fosdick 1878-1969, American Minister