First, and foremost, the fun. Here are some recent photos of my family. Okay, some not so recent. You can go to their blog and see them, but for any readers who don't, here are a few.
For a real photo treat of the family, please go to http://twiceblessedtwice.blogspot.com/
and see them all!
So, on with the post. It will undoubtedly be long, since I post once every two-six months, on average. Since I last posted, I have had a Fibromyalgia flare of relatively large magnitude. Maybe a 5.8 on the Richter scale. So tired and hurt so bad. The strongest thing I take these days for pain is Naproxen and Tylenol. At least my head is a little bit clearer.
I had to take an incomplete in my first class, and am not happy about it. I am getting there, in terms of being caught up; I had 8 assignments left, and now I have 4, so halfway there, but increasingly more able to think clearly. But I'm scared. No one can tell me for certain that I can go to school next quarter, or tell me when the work has to be done by to do so. So I'm just doing my best to get it done, and done well, as there were assignments that couldn't be made up due to the nature of online education (classroom participation that is locked after the assignment is completed). Think good thoughts, please?
I had a scare week before last. On a Tues, and again on Thurs. I had episodes much like ones I used to have years ago, which turned out to be medication toxicity, or clash of medications. I am on so little now, by comparison, I don't think this was it. But the first one was so bad, I could not stay cognizant long enough to call Amy, which was scary. I'm chalking this up to being a result of being, a) anemic; b) very low Vt D, c) very low potassium, and last and most importantly, very low cortisol. The symptoms, I realized were those of Addison's, and I had been having other symptoms and not identifying them. So back on the higher doses of Prednisone until I get leveled out. I am just so tired. But I will not give up this easy. Next student loan, end of April; with the extra funds I will be purchasing a vehicle for the first time in over 10 years. Yep, December, 1998 was the last time I owned my own vehicle. It won't be grand, as I must squeeze 3-6 months of insurance out of the funds, plus savings for gas and upkeep. Plus $ to family (money owed). So I am excited, as much as one can be on a day when, even if I had a car, it would be a "no drive" day with the "fibro fog" being so bad. No drive days will be those when I am either too exhausted, thinking clouded by fatigue or medication, just not myself. So that means about 60% of the time I can drive, right now. But I will be well be June, when it's warm, and I'm walking more, and then it will be more like 90%. YEAH!!!
My daughter and her family have a wonderful blog. They write in it much more frequently, and if you go all the way back to June 2007 in their old blog, you can read the story of the miracle babies; twins born at 28 weeks, one with a bowel obstruction, pulmonary problems, not to mention having a stroke at 2 months of age - It is a heart wrenching and heartwarming story. Old blog: http://brandondandkatelyn.blogpot.com and current blog is http://twiceblessedtwice.blogspot.com
It just seemed time to start a family blog, whereas the other one had it's beginnings as a means of communicating with many people in one place about any news of the twins.
I know that I will get better soon. My boys, Tobe and Bo know it too, as they got a long walk yesterday, and are pooped out today. They are so great, and during these times when I'm too exhausted to walk to the bus to go see my family, and Amy is so busy she can't come to me, my boys keep me sane. They always have; well, Tobe for 9and a half years, and Bo for 2 and a half. Bo has turned out to be the sweetest dog. He is just a love, and snuggles; Tobe is a very sweet boy as well, but not big on snuggling. He's always been his own little man.
I had been psyching myself up for getting myself to my Doctor appt. tomorrow, getting my school work done in time that I could help Amy NEXT week when Brent would be gone. I just spoke with her and found out that he left yesterday. I just feel awful. I want so much to help, but for months I've been no good to her. When the boys started Kindergarten, every Wed. I went up to be with them. They read to me, and I to them. Then I got too sick to go every week. At Christmas, Amy and I had talked about going to Breakfast one Sat. a month, just the two of us. Since I'm not out of bed these days before 2pm, that would be quite difficult, thus it hasn't happened. I can't help it, but I feel awful anyway. I was taking care of myself before this started. It was after, when I haven't had the energy, that I haven't done such a bang up job. If anyone out there has Fibro, or any of the Invisible Chronic Illnesses (ICI- yes, it is a terminology used in medicine), you understand. If you don't, you can't. Unless, you have had a bad case of the flu you hurt all over,you feel feverish and you are so tired you just can hardly get out of bed. Women with families have to. I thought going to school would keep me well. It did the opposite. I know the moment when I let myself get over the stress line to illness. It was the week I had to go do a face to face interview with someone working in the field I am going into- executive coaching. I had no professional attire, I was going to have to get rides, there and back, and it was just so humiliating. That was week 7 and that's when I collapsed. I remember because I got sick the day after the interview and couldn't get my work done that week. And I got worse before I got to where I could think again. It's just frustrating. This isn't how it was supposed to be!
I moved here for two reasons: to be with my daughter and grandchildren, and to help her; and to be in a place where it would be easier to keep my faith, and the commandments inherent in being LDS(Mormon). I am doing the latter relatively well - no smoking, drinking alcohol or coffee, paying an honest tithe monthly and going to church and magnifying my calling. The last two are affected by my health, and consequently since October and November, my attendance has dropped dramatically. Foot surgery (twice) botched, leaving me with foot pain, and a back procedure promised to leave me pain free for a year, that did absolutely nothing. If anything, my back is worse. And more recently the fibro flare. With a laptop, I can do school being ill to a certain degree. But going to and sitting through church is more taxing and harder to do. For example, I am typing this post in full recline mode, on the heating pad. If I could go to church online I would have it made!
Ah, the ramblings of an old woman living alone. I go days talking to no one, weeks not seeing anyone sometimes. But I am excited to go to the doctor, and hopefully, get a Rx for the newest Fibromyalgia drug, Savella - very promising. Works like Cymbalta (also approved for the treatment of Fibromyalgia, as is Lyrica), in that it is an SNRI (Seritonin and Norepinepherine reuptake inhibitor), but works on people that cymbalta did not. I have tried Cymbalta, at the highest dosage, and noticed no difference. But..it was winter. All bets off in the winter, even in Utah where it is dry and mostly without wind, so the cold is very tolerable - and mostly pretty - since it is accompanied by snow almost all winter! Loved that! Anyway, Lyrica made me crazy and asleep. So it's time to try the next. I must exercise and eat better as well. I've been in no eat mode. Living alone, with no in home help, it is circular. I feel so bad I don't get out of bed to cook, so I eat junk. Sweets and bad carbs. And cheese. So then because of my diet being poor I become more ill. Then I'm even less inclined to cook. Finally started eating at least one deli chicken and cheese sandwich on good whole wheat bread daily, and drinking at least 8 oz of V8 fruit and vegetable juice (1 serving of each out of each 8 oz glass). Feel a bit better.
I want to start sharing here the books I am reading and excited about. So, here goes. No matter what I am always reading something. I'm in bed a lot these days, and have to take a break from school and sleep occasionally! So here is my current reading pile...I mean list:
1. Jesus the Christ by James E. Talmage, published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This book is so wonderful; I feel like I am getting to know my Savior up close and personal. Talmage's treatise was written in an upper room in the Temple in Salt Lake City, UT, published in 1973. This is heavy reading. It took me 10 false starts before I picked it up one day and can't wait to get back to it once I've put it down. I'm only halfway through, and have read many chapters twice, and every footnote as well. I feel closer to Jesus now that ever. When I say he is my savior, I know what that means in a deeper more meaningful way. Don't go through life without reading this. (and the Bible and the Book of Mormon; read it through once just to see what all the hoopla is about!
2. Taming Your Gremlin:A Surprisingly Simple Method of Getting Out of Your Own Way. By Rick Carson. Original book written 20 years ago, this is an updated, revised and value-added version.
3. Outliers; the story of success. By Malcolm Gladwell. Just came out. Gladwell is well known mostly for his book The Tipping Point: How little things can make a big difference, but also for Blink: the power of thinking without thinking. Outliers, what I know so far, is about people who are extraordinary in someway (Benjamin Franklin, for example), and what they have in common. Blink was excellent - read it about 3 years ago. So I am excited to read this one.
4.Coaching for Performance by John Whitmore. Whitmore is the father of coaching in some ways. My PhD that I am working on is in Psychology, specifically in Industrial and Organizational Psychology; known as I/O Psych. My concentration is executive coaching, which means I will go into major corporations and do individual and group coaching with executives, CEO's, etc., to help them when they are having difficulty, say with their team being aligned against him over some incident, and he can't get things shifted back. The investment of up to hundreds of thousands of dollars weekly for a good executive coach is well worth the money in time and productivity that is going down the drain.
And by the way, I have a friend in Kansas, that I have done a horrible job of keeping up with. I miss her calls, and don't listen to my messages. Lori, if you see this, I love you, and miss you, and think of you daily when I hug Bo. Here are some pics of our last night together before I left. I am still your friend; just a lousy one. I will do better! Here we are - the proverbial photo when no one is there to take one for you! And you with our Bo...He misses his Aunt Lori, I think even more than Tobe.
I will stop here. I do want to tell any reader(s) that I found the greatest blogs:
http://www.UrbanMonk.net is one, another is
http://www.illuminatedmind.net/, and the third is http://zenhabits.net/
I know. They don't sound like the blogs I would read. But if you've known me along time, you know that I find the gospel in zen. Don't ask.
Good afternoon, and I will see you here next month! Or who knows; maybe sooner!
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