Back to being a grandmother...

---

I have neglected this blog for so long. The last time I wrote anything, it was somewhat morose and despondent. This should be a nice change.

I have tried to spend as much time as I can with my grandchildren, and let me tell you; it is time well spent -life enrichment therapy. That is actually an accurate description. My daughter is loving and kind; my grandchildren with their uniqueness are just a blast to be around. The younger set of twins, now 2 and a half, are talking up a storm, and it is so cute to hear them talk. Before they could say "Blake" or "Derek" - their twin 6 year old brothers - they called Blake "Bubba" and Derek "Dodo". It is just too cute! They are still remarkably small for their age, so to hear their cute little voices...it's just a cute age. Now even though they can say their Blake and Derek, the nicknames have stayed for now, possibly for a long time, but the funniest part is when Katelyn is running after just one of her older brothers, she'll be saying; "Dodo Bubba wait; Dodo Bubba...". So it seems that the complete nickname combo is now interchangeable regardles of who they are playing with. Too funny!

So, as long as I spend adequate time with my family; I'm fine. School is kicking my ass. If I can't complete this course, bye bye school. It will be tough, however to live wiwth myself if that happens. With that thought, I close this blog post so I can start my writing. I've done all the reading, but no writing assignments, and the instructor is being infinitely flexible and patient. So off to school I go.

I will make an attempt to write more often.

Self Examination

An old friend called this week. She was in town helping her daughter move. She was the first person who had contacted me in years that knew me before I was ill. At the present time I am down very low; both physically and (consequently) emotionally. I feel very alone. I feel I am a shell of what I was when this woman and I were in contact.

I could not call her back.

I've been very sad over this. It drives home something I've known, and that is that I am very depressed and very empty. I love the Lord and my Heavenly Father; I know they love me. That I have. Should that be enough? A big part of me thinks, "yes"; so then I feel something is wrong with me spiritually.

I must get better. My primary goal in my life right now is to be a good Mother and Grandmother. I can be neither right now.

I'm glad that my friend called. I have been so ill for the last 3 months that I'm mostly bed-bound, and certainly homebound. BUT, I move on Sunday/Monday to a new apartment. It is twice the size of this depressing box. There is a fenced yard for my two Lhasa Apsos that I love so much. Two bedrooms; just a nice place. Things should improve. I have been getting home health services for 2-3 weeks now, and that will continue when I move until I am "too well" to continue to be eligible. I will miss my Aide, Nurse and Physical Therapist. My total of 5 hours a week of services. Before I moved, I had 27 hours of service available to me in Kansas.

I had to withdraw from my course online. It has been a particularly difficult time, but then the last 13 years has been a particularly difficult time. I think I'm realizing something has just got to change.

I will continue to pray, read my scriptures and do all that I can to keep as close to my Heavenly Father and my Savior as I possibly can. I always get "better", but never well. I have to keep hoping.

Water Purifiers / Filters

Water Purifiers / Filters

This (the text above is a link...mouse over it and you'll see) looks like a great water filtration system at a reasonable price. I was just reading the Oprah site, and in the health section, it was talking about if your water was healthy. The answer was that, in the US, yes, you can drink your tap water. IF you are young, healthy...NOT if you are chronically ill or older. I fall in the later category. A recommendation for a certain water filtration system was recommended, so I googled it and looked at several. They all look like this one, but this one is way cheaper. They are currently sold out.

I was actually was reading about MRSA...then about a woman who cut herself while preparing food, and got "flesh eating bacteria" that made her lose her arm! (Maybe that WAS MRSA!! I don't know for sure...) So I was getting a little freaked anyway, and then read this about the water NOT being safe for ME.

It's always something. As Rosann Rosannadana used to say, "it's always something; either there are little bugs in the water, or no one will rent you an apartment, and then there's this 12 years of being sick - that's no fun, let me tell ya!" and I can hear those words in her voice even now. What a loss, her death! She was so talented and funny.

feeling a bit overwhelmed in Utah...